The
Ultimate Hot Rod
Submitted by George Hill
3/25/99
Why is it that everyone in the "Holy Trilogy"
that takes a gander at Han's beloved "Falcon" has to remark on how crappy it is?
They just don't understand the BONDING that a guy has to his Hot Rod. "HOT
ROD?" you ask... Yeah, Hot Rod.
Look, remember back in High School, the long-haired Auto Shop students that always
drove around in old Chevy Novas with the back end jacked up and the hood open?
Well, that's the Real World equivilant of the Millenium Falcon. Don't agree?
Let's look at the specs between a Chevy Nova and the Falcon:
Nova: Blown engine that can really kick butt - when it runs.
Falcon: Blown engine that can really kick butt - when it runs.
Nova: The ride you always ended up in when you were out
partying with the rowdy bunch.
Falcon: The ride you always ended up in when you were out partying with the
rowdy bunch.
Nova: Used to smuggle all kinds of contraband into and
out of high schools.
Falcon: Used to smuggle all kinds of contraband into and out of... Okay,
maybe not high schools, but other unsavory places.
Nova: In need of constant repair, upgrades, jury rigging, and
a full time Wookiee.
Falcon: In need of constant repair, upgrades, jury rigging, and a full time
Wookiee.
While in high school I tried to pull off the Wookiee thing -
growing my hair out so long it went down to my butt. I had several friends for which that
look worked. But on me, I don't think it worked. I was too scrawny and I think I came
across more as a "Cousin It", which is definitely uncool, and the sole
reason I joined the Army. Now I am considerably more buffed up, but now I can't seem to
grow my hair out. I can how ever pull off a passable "Stone Cold Steve Austin",
but who the heck wants to look like a Pro Wrestler except other Pro Wrestlers? Well, If
one shows up in "The Phantom Menace", I will shave my head again as soon as I
get home from the theater. And I will send in before and after photos to prove it.
<crossing fingers hoping this doesn't come to pass>
Okay, so I will admit the Nova wasn't mine - I was the hairy sidekick to my buddy
who had it. My car was an angry Audi Fox that I tricked it out Rally Style, with off
road tires.
I am digressing again.
The Falcon is important to the American Society in that it is an icon of the same freedoms we have with our cars. As Americans, we love our cars, we have books, magazines and movies about our cars. Every place you go, there are even more cars. And the cars we want the most, the cars we put in the movies or on the covers of these magazines, are Performance Cars. That's what the Falcon is...Han's own Hot Rod, right out of American Graffiti, but remade for space travel with a Wookiee.
For me and many others, the coolest spaceship from any movie is the Falcon... No question. No other sci-fi universe has recreated or touched that nerve. And another nerve it hits is "The Sale Nerve". We can't pass up a good deal - and Han got his Falcon Real Cheap, from Lando with a winning hand of Sabacc. Can it get any cooler?
Episode One looks like it will have its share of Hot-Rods as well. From the trailer, we see a guy working on his speeder, then the same speeder racing across the desert. We see some submarine action as well. That could turn out to be very cool, as long as it doesn't resurrect SeaQuest DSV (another example of how bad science fiction on tv can be).
But will any of these high speed space scoots make you wish you still had that old Nova with the primer grey paint?
(George Hill, Jedi Knight. Age 29. Married
to a lovely young dancer. 4 boys under the age of 6 And was only able to bestow one of
them with a Star Wars name. Works in computers now after spending time in Military (Light
Infantry), Law Enforcement and Fugitive Recovery. Has the day of the Episode One opening
off from work. (Cause the Bosses wouldn't dare say no.)