A long time ago, in a nation's capital far far away, a lowly US Senate aide toiled away at her work, anxious for the opening of a film that she hoped would be as epic as the hype. After camping out for the first showing of Episode I and returning to the theater twelve hours later to see it again, our little aide was floating on clouds. About a month later, her feet abruptly hit the pavement and she's been bitter ever since.

Amazing how my hopes for Episode I, especially as it portended a political crisis of major proportions, were smothered by (in no particular order) a Gungan, bad screenplay writing, more Gungans, midichlorians, and did I mention Gungans? So with that in mind, I have taken in all the information about Episode II with the largest grain of salt to be found in my new home of Nevada. When the rumors spread that Darth Plaid was considering Leonardo DiCaprio for the role of Anakin, I was ready to throw in the proverbial towel and swear off all things Star Wars. I don't have personal issues against Leo, but to me the only rationale behind casting the guy would be to pander to the pre-teen girly market. So, when Hayden Christensen was cast, I gave a sigh of relief, but was still not ready to believe that Episode II would not disappoint me.

Spoiler-ho that I am, I've gleaned as much as possible from the Internet regarding the plot of this film. And I can gleefully say that Gungans seem to be kept at a minimum and there have been no mentions of midichlorians! Yet, I am still hesitant to say whether or not Episode II would be worth repeating all the chaos I brought upon myself during the summer of 1999. Events that have occurred over the past two weeks, however, have shown a little ray of hope in the dark tunnel. The three teaser trailers that Lucasfilm has released for Episode II have been nothing short of outstanding. Yes, everyone knows that the tall young man with the nice smile and nasty temper will eventually become Darth Vader. But now, for the first time since the debacle that was Episode I, I'm finally curious again to see how it will all play out.

Obviously, there is still a political crisis affecting the galaxy. Now that Palpatine has been the Supreme Chancellor for ten years, we can imagine that he is well on his way to establishing the Empire. While I may no longer be in Washington, you can't take the political bug from me. Once again, I want to see how Palpatine pulls the strings of all around him to take the galaxy from the structure that is the Republic and transforms it into the Empire. I want to see how the Jedi Council implodes in such a way as to allow Palpatine to achieve his goals. I want to see more of the workings of the Republic Senate. I want to see a lot more of Hayden Christensen!

While three years have not necessarily made me more mature (I was acting like a dork at the Comdex Xbox display), the passage of time has made me more skeptical. Granted, when Episode I came out, I was ready to canonize Lucas and proclaim my undying loyalty to his vision. But like I said, the more I watched The Phantom Menace, the more disillusioned I became with it all. I admit that my hopes for Episode II have notched up some since seeing the teasers, which were at an all-time low when the title was announced.

I'm going to keep my fingers crossed, get my tickets from Fandango and hope for the best.

Reactions After Seeing The Film (or: The Green Guy is Your Daddy)

Screaming major spoilers included.

Three years ago, I camped out to see Episode I. Basking in the glow of the first Star Wars film in sixteen years, I went to my computer and banged out a review that, in retrospect, was too kind. Additional viewings and a return to rational thought helped me realize that Episode I wasn't all that. I'm even embarrassed to read the words I typed back then *shudder*.

Fast forward to 2002. I'm a little bit older, a little bit more cynical and was a little less inclined to hope that Episode II was going to be good. The trailers helped to dispel the dread, and I allowed myself to think that Episode II would be good.

I was wrong.

It was better than good. Really! I'm saying this having had twelve hours to evaluate how I really feel about Episode II. And I have to say I liked it, I liked it very much. I can't go so far as to say I loved it, however. There were a few minor issues, but understand that they are, in the grand scheme of things, minor.

To say the film begins with a bang is both figurative and literal. An assassination attempt on Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo is what gets the plot rolling and brings together Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padmé once more. I won't go into the storyline, that's well-known by now. So rather than bore you with a rehash of the plot, here are my thoughts on the film itself.

First, let's get the issues out of the way.

The "romantic" scenes -- In short, they were anything but romantic. Anakin sounded more like a jilted, obsessed ex-boyfriend than a young man pitching woo. I believe that Padmé might have felt that she was dealing with a potential stalker. The dialogue was very unnatural and almost disturbing. I much prefer (and miss) classic love lines like, "Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

And did there really have to be a roll in the grass? Geez, my allergies acted up just watching that scene.

While we're on this subject, what was with the quick cut from the dining room to the fireplace? One minute, they're sharing a cute dessert moment, then we're suddenly in a cozy study with a romantic fire and an argument about love versus duty. Huh? Did I miss a walk to the room, a set-up for the discussion? I didn't like the way they suddenly went from levitating pears to "I can't love you, I'm up for re-election next year."

Ride 'em, cowboy -- What was up with Anakin's imitation of a rodeo star? I'm talking about the scene in the arena battle where he was riding the whatever-that-monster-was. It reminded me very much of the scene in "Willow" where Madmartigan was riding the two-headed dragon. Anakin's Wild Ride looked more like a stop-motion puppet sequence than CGI. Too fake and choppy, it dragged me away from my suspension of belief.

Too much symmetry -- Anakin loses a limb, Luke loses a hand. Padmé tells her man she loves him at the last minute, so does Leia. Yoda loses a former Padawan to the Dark Side, we know Obi-Wan will eventually. I'm not a fan of too many coincidences, it makes the entire saga seem overly contrived.

Enough with the bad, on to the good.

If I were Anakin, I'd lose it, too -- Obi-Wan, whether it was intentional or not, was very patronizing of his Padawan. "You have much to learn, my itty-bitty, little buddy Padawan kid." I could understand why Anakin chafed so much under Obi-Wan's supervision. Considering how Obi-Wan always talked down to him, I can see why Anakin got whiny on occasion. I'm not condoning it, but I can understand it. Besides, Luke had to inherit the tendency from somewhere. With that said, you could also see that there was an affection between Obi-Wan and Anakin. Maybe not the father-son relationship Anakin yearned for, but more like older/younger brothers.

So, that's why Anakin was too old -- Lucas showed now why Anakin, at the advanced age of nine, was considered too old for the training. He knew how to love people and form attachments, something Anakin tells Padmé is forbidden. But with Anakin having spent the first nine years of his life dependent on his mother, it's no wonder he'd been having visions of her in pain. If he had been given to the Jedi when still a baby, he would never have had that bond with Shmi. Which leads me to ponder the notion that Obi-Wan and Yoda were so freaking desperate to be rid of Vader that they would decide to train Luke. But then again, Luke had no family to speak of...well, that he knew about, anyway.

Politics 'R Us -- Loved the political machinations of Palpatine. "No, Brer Senate! Don't throw me into the briar patch!" In other words, his masked reluctance of getting what he'd been working for behind the Senate's back was brilliant. The only thing that made the meadow romp almost tolerable was Padmé defending the system to Anakin. Reminds me of how I used to have to explain why I would work for a body as corrupt as the U.S. Senate.

Christopher Lee as Count Dracu...Dooku -- I used to love the Hammer horror films as a kid, and Christopher Lee is still as gloriously creepy in 2002 as he was in 1972. The man is an absolute god when it comes to dripping evil and malice. Yow!

Yoda -- 'Nuff said. You may all begin to bow down to the true Master. Some of the facial expressions he showed when fighting Dooku were priceless.

70mm monitor screen -- Digital projection does not suck. There were none of the scratches, jitters, reel-change dots or anything else to mar that gorgeous picture. If there's any way that you can do this, I highly recommend seeing this movie in digital projection.

That sounded cool -- John Willams' soundtrack was amazing. Just the right music at the right times, I swear I got a shiver when Anakin took out the Tuskens and then when he told it all to Padmé. Amazing. As was the sound effects, Slave I's engines were particularly impressive, and I really loved the fact that there was no music during the first part of the asteroid chase. The full sound of the seismic charges came blasting through, great stuff.

A few more random thoughts -- "Getting a cheap pop" is a phrase used by professional wrestling fans to describe a good-guy (babyface) wrestler saying how much he likes being in [insert name of city here]. The crowd goes nuts and they cheer even more for him. In Star Wars, a cheap pop is when C-3P0's head is switched with the body of a battle droid. You know it's corny humor, you can see it coming ten miles away, and yet you still laugh. Critics have been panning the dialogue, but short of "Empire," there hasn't been a Star Wars movie that could win Best Screenplay. It's something we've learned to live with, and if I have to endure several cheesy lines to get the payback of watching a couple of hundred Jedi kick ass, it's a small price to pay. Daniel Logan deserves an Academy Award for "Best Dirty Looks from a Clone Kid." The glares he was giving to Obi-Wan were menacing. I loved it. Speaking of Obi-Wan, his impersonation of Columbo was hysterical. "So, Jango, have you been to Coruscant recently?" Not exactly the most subtle of detectives there, Kenobi.

"Attack of the Clones" managed to both tie up loose ends from Episode I and set us up for the events of Episode III. We can see that in the ten-year gap between I and II, the Jedi have been blinded to the forest for the trees. "If it's not in the Jedi Archives, it doesn't exist." It's as if it never occurred to Jocasta Nu that anyone could hack into the Jedi Archives and delete files. Now we have a severely demoralized Jedi Order, a Senate that voted in martial law believing Palpatine would rescind his mandate when the threat was eliminated, and a Padawan secretly married to a Senator.

After watching Episode I, all I could think was, "I have to wait three years to see if Lucas can redeem himself." Right now, I'm saying, "Now I have to wait three years to see if Lucas can top this." If you haven't yet seen Episode II, go now. If you have seen it, go again. I will.