Being Last
In Line Isn't Easy:
Waiting to see The Phantom Menace in overseas means difficulty escaping spoilers
Editorial by Lord
Kast
5/13/99
I live in Germany.
"Big deal," I can hear you say. "What's that got to do with Star Wars?" Well, nothing, directly. Indirectly, though, it has a lot to do with Star Wars. Because, you see, Germany is an Episode I-challenged country. Meaning that The Phantom Menace won't premiere over here until August 1999. "Big deal", you chorus again. What's it to you? Plus, you already knew this, didn't you? (Of course you did, because I mentioned it in my last editorial for Echo Station, called "Fett-uration". In case you actually didn't read that one, make a mental note now to devour it as soon as you've finished this one. It's hilarious. Trust me.)
So, you're not interested in the fact that I live in Krautland. I can live with that. No, really. I can. Just allow me to ramble on for a while, and if I manage not to bore you to death, I might perhaps move you to tears. Let me repeat something I wrote in the last paragraph: The Phantom Menace won't premiere over here until August 1999.
August 1999 !!!
That's a whole whoppin' three months later than in the USA! Okay, so I'm going to try to shorten the difference by seeing the movie in Great Britain, where it premieres in July. That's still two months! Now, I can at least try to understand why the movie starts later in Germany. The script has to be translated, speakers have to be cast, the whole dialogue has to be rerecorded, the movie has to be dubbed, the sound needs to be remastered, promotional materials must be translated and printed…. I know this process takes time to do properly (even though I don't believe for a second that it takes all of three months). And due to legalese mumbo-jumbo, cinemas aren't allowed to show the original version of a movie before the dubbed version officially starts. But can somebody explain to me why the movie isn't allowed to be shown in Britain for a full two months? Anyone? Anyone…? Bueller?
(deafening silence)
Thank you. I knew you couldn't. Because it doesn't make any sense. It would make sense if we assumed that George Lucas has invested 75% of his personal wealth in airline stocks. Because I can tell you, the thought of cutting off those several months of waiting by flying to the USA is very tempting. Is this sick or what? I am actually considering paying for overseas airfare just to see a damned movie! Okay, so I'm a helpless Star Wars geek. The fact that, unless I win the lottery, I am sure I won't be able to afford that flight does help a bit, too. After all, if there were a chance of my really doing this, the fear that I might be crazy enough to actually buy the ticket would drive me up the walls. But I'm sure other Europeans can and will afford the most expensive movie ticket of all time.
So why am I so keen on seeing this movie as soon as possible? Am I just some kind of weirdo, like the guy with the tent in front of Mann's Chinese Theater? It certainly is a possibility. But the real point, the point that's driving me nuts, is this:
All of my American friends are going to see this movie months earlier than I have a chance to.
No, I'm not bitter about them being lucky (well, I am, but that's beside the point). It's not primarily jealousy. It's utter, primal fear. Fear that one of them (it could be you) just happens to mention in an offhand reference whether Darth Maul survives Episode I or not. Whether Darth Sidious actually is Palpatine in disguise or not. Whether Boba Fett does have a cameo in The Phantom Menace or not.
Let me explain. When I saw the Star Wars Special Edition, it held no surprises for me. I knew beforehand that Greedo now shoots first, that Han Solo runs headfirst into a hangar full of stormtroopers instead of a dead end corridor, even that Luke had now taken yodeling lessons before going to Bespin. Because I could only see the Special Edition a lot later than all my overseas friends. You see, when a new movie starts, you try not to spoil it for other people. So you put a spoiler warning or spoilerspace into your postings on newsgroups or message boards if they contain information about this movie. But how long is a movie considered "new"? Three weeks at most. Because certainly, anyone who wants to see the film can manage to do so in the first three weeks of its cinematic release. Unless, of course, this person happens to live in a country where cinemas aren't allowed to show said movie for several more months to come. But do people think of these details? Often, they don't. So, people stop putting [SPOILER] into their postings' subject headers. Because to them, it's all old news.
That's what happened with the Special Editions. It's not as if after a while, people posted stuff like "Well, by now you probably all know that Greedo shoots first, so let me add the following: (yaddah yaddah)". But with the SE's being no longer a secret, people started to refer to them as easily as to the Classic Trilogy. References like "You know, this pisses me off almost as much as Greedo shooting first in the SE" began to pop up. Spoiling all the surprises for those who don't live in the USA or Canada. Not out of malicious intent, but just because after a while, people took the SEs for granted. I don't blame them for it. God knows I take stuff for granted very easily.
Besides, with the SEs it was no big deal. We all knew the story of the movies anyway. This was just about details. But The Phantom Menace is a different kind of barve. This is probably the most anticipated movie in history, and part of the fun of seeing it will be having your socks blown off by an unexpected plot twist or a surprising revelation. I don't want to miss out on this part of the fun.
There are people out there whose philosophy in regard to spoilers boils down to "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." This is what I intend to do. This is actually what I'm already doing. I don't visit Newsdroid or TheForce.Net. I visit Echo Station, because it is spoiler-free. And after May 19, I'm going to keep out of Echo's "Prequels" message board conference. But going out of the kitchen does not mean that I'm willing to go out of the house altogether. Some people out there actually have the gall to say "If you don't want spoilers, get off the Internet. It's a global community. We're not going to limit our free speech just because you are afraid of the truth." (Yes, I have seen this kind of attitude displayed on the 'Net) But the point these people are mssing is the word "community" in their talk about a "global community". Part of a functioning community is respect. So is consideration. And this is what I would ask from all those Star Wars fans lucky enough to see The Phantom Menace before me—and other overseas fans—have a chance. Of course you can discuss the movie to your heart's content. But please, if you do so on Echo Station's message boards, do it in the "Prequels" conference. And if you do bring up information from Episode I in one of the other conferences, please, please, pretty please with a TIE Fighter on top, clearly label your post as a [SPOILER] in the subject header. I know spoiler discipline is hard to keep, especially if one is all excited and psyched up about a movie. I know it'll be very hard for me to keep spoiler discipline after seeing the picture, but I will nevertheless do my best to keep it up until Echo residents from countries where the movie premieres even later than in Germany have had a chance to see it.
So, this is my plea to you, all of you, not just the North Americans: Please, PLEASE, be extra careful about spoilers when it comes to Episode I (and Episodes II and III after that). Do it to allow your fellow Star Wars fans worldwide a chance to enjoy The Phantom Menace the same way you will enjoy it May 19.
(Lord Kast is Echo Station‘s resident Industrial Goth. He lives in Germany, where "The Phantom Menace" won't open until August 1999. People who mail him any Episode I spoilers will be summarily shot.)