My friends, my dearest friends, something truly horrible is about to happen. We are approaching a time, actually more of a feeling that many of us have not experienced in over ten years. It is going to be a dark time. An empty, hollow, period that might not ever end. We may never see the shining beacon of light and hope at the end of this tunnel. My friends, we are rapidly approaching the terror of the ...

SECOND "DARK AGE" OF STAR WARS!

(Cue dramatic John Williams drumbeat.)

Yikes. I know this seems a bit drastic, and perhaps even a bit hasty, but nonetheless we are entering another era similar to those dark years of 1985-1991. We will experience a time in which Star Wars falls completely off of the pop culture radar. We will see dusty Jar Jar and Captain Typho figures relegated to the 3 for a dollar bin at toy stores around the nation. When Episode III finishes its run at the box-office and the original saga is released on home video, we will have no more Star Wars movies to flock to, no more DVD's to buy, and ... (shudder) ... nothing more to discuss on the Internet.

Now, I know what you're going to say here, "But Jeff, you're wrong! What about the novels and CD-ROM games and comic books? Those are going to continue to be produced long after the films are over."

Please. Screw that.

Do you actually believe that sites like ours and TheForce.Net are going to continue to receive hundreds and thousands of hits day after day from people looking to discuss the 97th entry in the New Jedi Order saga where Luke and Lando decide to open an Intergalactic Laundromat, or to find information on the latest LucasArts Dark Forces spin-off, where the player runs around a field with a stun rod herding those weird giant tick-cows Anakin rides in AOTC? Right. I'll pass. But this is where we're headed folks, trust me. Then again, I may be wrong. After all, this is still ... . Not the column you're looking for. Adios Muchachos!

P.S. Yes, I know this is short. But it's on time ... Kudos to Jeffie!

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(Heartthrob, maverick, innovator, intellectual, philosopher, visionary ... None of these words has anything to do with Jeff Carter, now a 28-year-old video editor / news photographer for a local television station somewhere in Massachusetts. Jeff has spent the past few years half-heartedly defending Episode One and resting far too comfortably on the laurels he received from his Drew Struzan and Timothy Zahn interviews. Now he's back on the Star Wars scene voicing his opinion with "This Is Not The Column You're Looking For," every week at EchoStation.Com.)