 |
#2: Spider-man vs. Anakin by Jeff Carter Published 5/6/02 Is Star Wars ... gulp ... going to finish SECOND to Spider-Man? Unthinkable! |
Hey everyone, I hope you all enjoyed the first edition of TINTCYLF last week. I apologize to all those who took offense to my opinion that Star Trek has become weak and watered-down tripe. Wait a second, no, I'm really not sorry actually. I hate Star Trek. It is weak watered-down tripe. But I digress....
I went to see Spider-Man over the weekend. I'm not going to bother telling you what I thought about the film because: 1) You can go to countless other websites and read countless reviews of the flick, and 2) this is a Star Wars column, and Tobey Maquire swinging around on webs does not concern Star Wars fandom. Or does it?
Much has been made of the burgeoning rivalry between these two summer blockbusters. The 'box-office battle' pitting Attack of the Clones vs. Spider-Man is seemingly all over the print media and shows such as Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood. My best friend is a huge comic-book fan, and he was ribbing me all winter long about how he was much more excited to see Spider-Man swinging around New York fighting the Green Goblin than he was to see AOTC.
"I've seen Jedi swinging lightsabers around on screen before," he said. "I've never seen Spider-man."
Man, that guy loves to push my buttons and get me riled up. But did he speak for the majority of the summer movie-going audience? There's no doubt that Star Wars has its work cut out for it now that Spider-Man has taken in a gargantuan opening take this past weekend. There were hundreds of dizzy, delighted, giggling children shrieking in joy as Spidey clobbered the bad-guys on screen and kissed Mary Jane. Will they be doing the same when Anakin slices up battledroids and plants a wet one on Padme? Is Star Wars ... gulp ... going to finish SECOND to Spider-Man? Unthinkable!
My reaction? I don't really care. There's room for both films, and I enjoyed the hell out of Spider-Man Friday. But no matter what the box-office outcome is, it won't replace the feeling I get when I watch a Star Wars film. Plain and simple. However, just for fun, I've whipped up this scorecard comparing Spider-Man and Anakin Skywalker. Let the best man win!
Warning: This chart contains the names of some Episode II characters.
| Spider-Man | Anakin | Edge: |
| Played By: Dopey-eyed American Tobey Maguire. |
Played By: Dopey-eyed Canadian Hayden Christensen. |
Tie |
| Occupation: Super-hero |
Occupation: Jedi Knight / Chosen One |
Anakin |
| Nemesis: Willem Dafoe as the cackling, glider-riding Green Goblin |
Nemesis: Christopher Lee as the evil Count Dooku, Temura Morrison as the walking arsenal Jango Fett, the Entire Trade Federation, Darth Sidious, and 10 million battle droids. |
Anakin |
| Relatives/Family: Gentle Uncle Ben and sweet, wheatcake-flippin' Aunt May |
Relatives/Family: Strong, emotional Shmi Skywalker, Crotchety Uncle Owen, and Blue-milk pourin' Aunt Beru. |
Spider-Man |
| Best Friend: A bored, lifeless, James-Dean wannabe James Franco as the Green Goblin's son, Harry Osborne, who steals Mary Jane out from under Peter. |
Best Friend: A cute, lifeless blue and silver astromech droid named R2-D2 who helps Anakin repair starships and gets him access to computers with his utility arms. |
Anakin |
| Love Interest: Cute-as-hell Kirsten Dunst as the sexy redhead-next-door Mary Jane Watson. |
Love Interest: Cute-as-hell Natalie Portman as sexy Senator of the Naboo system Padme Amidala |
Spider-Man |
| Powers: Spider-sense, heightened agility, super-strength, organic web-shooters. |
Powers: The Force. |
Anakin |
So, there you have it kids! Anakin thumps the web-head by a final score of 4-2 (with one toss-up). In all seriousness here, both films are certain to pull in reams and reams of cash at the box office this summer, and if people are going to be heartbroken if Spider-Man grosses $476 million and Star Wars grosses $460 million, then its time for them to re-examine their priorities in life. But maybe I'm wrong; this is just my opinion, and after all ... This Is Not The Column You're Looking For.
Discuss this article on our message boards.
(Heartthrob, maverick, innovator,
intellectual, philosopher, visionary ... None of these words has anything to do with Jeff Carter, now a 28-year-old video
editor / news photographer for a local television station somewhere in Massachusetts. Jeff
has spent the past few years half-heartedly defending Episode One and resting far too
comfortably on the laurels he received from his Drew Struzan and Timothy
Zahn interviews. Now he's back on the Star Wars scene voicing his opinion with
"This Is Not The Column You're Looking For," every week at EchoStation.Com.)