Dear Santa:
It's really tough being George Lucas' pet character. He won't let me have any fun. All I ever get to do is run around the galaxy, make corny speeches, have my powers stunted by authors, and babysit my sister's kids. I can't even have an intimate relationship with anyone but a computer. I need to get away with out him knowing.

Could you please send me a Spaarti Cloning Cylinder for Christmas?

May the Force be with you,
LUKE SKYWALKER

Dear Troublemaker,
Bah! Last time the Mighty Jabba... uh, I mean, the Mighty Santa the Hutt entertained you, you killed my pet Rancor, sliced and diced my best worthless henchmen, and sank my Sail Barge. Consider yourself lucky that the Great Santa does not deliver a Taun-taun's head underneath your bedsheets!

Dear Santa,
I've been having some problems with my throat lately. It's all sore and scratchy. Could you bring me some Throat Lozenges for Christmas?
ADMIRAL OZZEL, ret.

Dear Imperial,
The Powerful Santa the Hutt sympathizes as he, too, has experienced certain... breathing difficulties. Perhaps if you were to overlook certain of Santa's slave trading activities, some accomodation can be reached.

Dear Captain Kringle:
Sir, the following is a list of Christmas requests from my counterpart, Artoo-Detoo. As I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communications, I have graciously offered to translate this list for him. Not that I would expect the least bit of gratitude. Really, if it were up to me, I'd give the troublesome rustpot a stocking full of coal.

• 1. A cattle-prod arm adapter for shocking those disgusting Ewoks with higher voltage.
  2. A gaffi stick adapter for getting rid of those horrid little Jawas.
  3. An internal CD-Rom and audio card for playing computer games and listening to music
  without having to plug in to some strange computer.
  4. And finally, an electronic dictionary of rude words to keep a certain tall, golden protocol
  droid on his toes.
  

Wait a minute! What was that last one? Why you ungrateful garbage pail! No, I don't think it was humorous in the least. No, I don't think Captain Kringle will think it is funny either. Terribly sorry, sir.
Sincerely,
SEE-THREEPIO

Dear Talk-Droid,
I find myself in need of a new interpreter, as my last golden talk-droid abandoned ship over the Dune Sea. Perhaps if you were to offer yourself in servitude, then the Mighty Santa would see fit to grant your companion's request. Or I may just have you both melted down.

Dear Santa,
This has been a tough year. Things have not always gone as I had forseen. A newly acquired young apprentice of mine not only made me very angry and caused me an inconvenient death in a Dark Side Force Storm, he also broke all of my Spaarti cloning cylinders. It would be in your best interest and a great service to the Empire if you would bring me some new ones.
EMPEROR PALPATINE

Dear High One,
The humble and obsequious Santa the Hutt will gladly acceed to your wishes, providing certain arrangements can be made regarding spice shipments in the Imperial trading lanes. Also, Santa regrets to inform Your Darkness that there seems to have been somewhat of a run on Spaarti cylinders this year, so even the Exalted Santa may have more trouble laying one of his mitts on a functioning unit than trying to get an Obi-Wan, Elmo, or Leia action figure.

Dear Santa,
All this running around for the Rebels has really got my hair in knots. Could you please bring me a Flow-Bee for Christmas?
Wuurf,
CHEWBACCA

Dear "Mighty Chewbacca,"
The Powerful Santa has your Flow-Bee... right HERE, pal. Perhaps if you were to prostrate yourself before me, the Great Santa the Hutt would see fit to spare your worthless life. How's THAT for a Holiday Gift?

Dear Santa:
I recently looked into a mirror, and noticed... I am butt-UGLY! My face looks like the northbound end of a southbound rancor. My complexion is more pale than Madonna and I have this... this HOLE in the back of my head!
Do you think you could bring me some Silly Putty and some rouge? Thanks.
ANAKIN SKYWALKER, dba Darth Vader

P.S. I'm having a great deal of trouble with my lightsaber. I must get that pink rabbit with the drum. Bring me some new batteries for Christmas or you'll pay dearly.......

Dear Lackey,
The Mighty Santa the Hutt does not speak to lapdogs. Besides, the last time you were in the neighborhood chasing Rebels over Tatooine, you did not even bother to stop by and share a live frog with me. Even the Powerful Santa has feelings.

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