Star Warped - Review

A GALACTICKLE GOOD TIME

Parroty Interactive gives Star Wars fans a real treat with their twisted twist on the Holy Trilogy

Parroty Interactive, the same company that did a spoof of Myst called Pyst, has now provided Star Wars fans with a CD-ROM that, well, has to be seen to be believed. Star Warped is a collection of games and mayhem that is a welcome addition to the library of any Star Wars fan.

The disc is introduced by Brian and Aaron, two fictional Valley Boys who happen to be Star Wars freaks. After the intro, a "Control Panel" pops up. This is where you navigate around the disc and access most of the games and activities. Several games are listed up front, the best being Whack an Ewok, where you get to take a long-awaited shot at the little rodents from Return of the Jedi! The concept is simple: you face a bridge across which Ewoks will scurry. You're armed with a long pole and the goal is to knock as many Ewoks off the bridge as you can in thirty seconds. While this is great fun in and of itself, the best part is that you are coached by none other than the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Darth Vader! As you brandish your pole, you will hear such inspiring words as, "Obi-Wan has taught you well. Now prove it," and, "Let's kick some furry butt!"

Another means of navigating around is to enter Brian and Aaron's bedroom, a virtual Star Wars shrine. When you click on the various items strewn about, the host tell you about them. One of their prized possessions is a Return of the Jedi poster that is available only in Japan. Imagine our favorite Star Warriors looking like ultra-wide-eyed anime characters and you get the idea. Brian and Aaron's room will also get you access to secret games like X-Schwing. Here Leia does her best Sandra Bullock imitation as she steers a bus through an asteroid field.

Other games include Death Star Destructo, where you must shoot items trying to hit the Death Star. Everything is trying to get you, from X-wings to Ewoks to Leia's metal bikini top! Another great game is Flawed Fighters, a spoof of fighting games like Mortal Kombat. You pick your fighter from the lineup of: Leia I. Joe, Cool-Handless Luke, and Pizza-Flipping Greedo. You then try to kick the butt of your computer opponent. Just like Mortal Kombat your character has a set of "signature moves." For example, Leia can throw one of her hair buns!

But there's more than just games. Activities range from U Don't Know Jedi (a spoof of the popular You Don't Know Jack PC games) to Ask Yoda (a rather sassy computer version of the famous "Magic 8-Ball"). But the one that that produced the most laughter from me was Sapped Scripts, where you choose Star Wars scenes as if they had been written by Quentin Tarantino, Woody Allen, and others. Naturally, the Tarantino versions of such classic scenes as Luke convincing Han to rescue the Princess was full of censoring bleeps, but to have John Travolta play Luke and Samuel L. Jackson as Han was well worth it.

I SPY JEDI
Finally, there is the Ranch Cam. Brian and Aaron have somehow linked directly into the security system at Skywalker Ranch and throughout your time on the disc you are treated with video footage of Lucasfilm employees. These lucky guys have interesting story development meetings, get served in the cafeteria by a stormtrooper, and play X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter using office furniture.

Overall, this is a great buy, especially at under $20.00! Star Warped runs on Windows 3.x, 95, and Mac, and is quick to load. The only complaint I have is that it runs slower when not using 256 colors, and I'm one of those who hates to switch. But it's still worth the fuss!

System requirements: 486/66 (Pentium recommended), 8MB RAM (16 recommended), SVGA monitor, 2x CD-ROM drive, and 10MB hard disk space. For the Mac, System 7.1 or later and 68040/33 (PowerPC recommended) are required.

(When not serving her boss in the (Imperial) Senate, Jody Reeves discusses Star Wars and jealously guards her Harrison Ford collection.)